Today was a really strange day, and I think I need to type out my thoughts here or I’m going to be up all night thinking about it, so please humor me for a second.

Following up on my last post, been keeping up with working out, I’ve been better with nutrition, although I can always do better. At least this time I stocked up on some healthier snacks.

I’m still somewhat lower energy, so I’m going to wait another week or so and see if it really is lingering never-fully-manifested illness, or if there’s some other thing I have to look into. Maybe take a deep look into mental health or something.

In any case, yesterday I was motivated to tackle this week head on. Signed up for the gym for this morning, had the aforementioned healthier food. Weighed in and I surprisingly didn’t gain any real weight during the week long break. I was good to go.

Then I had a random insomnia night. I don’t even know why, I didn’t even really think of anything. Moreso hummed random songs, switched between the bed and the couch, but never really got to sleep until deep into the morning.

Unfortunately, my alarm went off and I turned it off and dozed back asleep. I woke up with enough time to really make it to the gym if I rushed, but my head hurt, I was almost light headed in that sleep deprived state and decided that it wasn’t a good idea to try and rush it there.

However, I had a moment where I thought, “these days are the days that in the end will be the difference maker.” I NEED to get consistency and good habits back. Luckily, Orange Theory has a thing where if you miss a class, you can reschedule for later in the same day without penalty. So I called up and pushed to a later class. It was going to throw off my day a bit, I was going to have to work late as a result of it, but dammit, I need to make this my priority so I did it.

Going Into The Sleep Deprived Workout

I know that with fitness, consistency >>> intensity. So if I not even half-assed it, or quarter assed it, or as I think I wrote in a previous post “cheek-grazed” it, it was better than not going at all, even if it was just pushing it one day.

I did understand the situation, so when walking to the gym feeling sleepy I said I’ll do my best and I’ll scale back if needed. My two priorities of the workout: 1) focus on form and protect the knees 2) don’t over-exert myself and pass out. Especially because I needed to drive to a client’s office after the workout for a meeting.

In the end, I ended up not having to dial back the workout that much at all! I used pretty heavy weights and kept my heels to the floor on the squats. The knees felt strong! I did have to slow down a bit and take a few breaks, but I’ll take it any day.

My heart rate did go up very easily, although I don’t know if it’s more from being in a sleep-deprived state, or if it’s because I drank pre-workout for the first time in a long time in hopes the caffeine boost would perk me up. Nevertheless, the elevated heart rate resulted in a really high calorie burn, over 1,000 actually!

So all in all, was very proud of myself, and definitely worth sacrificing the time in the evening to catch up on my work. I’m very fortunate to have such a flexible schedule to where I’m able to do this.

Wake Up Call

Coming off the heels of being proud of my decision and performance, eating decently today, and already feeling the retained water prepping to release, I heard some unfortunate news. A gentleman I went to film school with passed away over the weekend from a sudden heart attack.

This is very sad, and I don’t mean to make it all about myself, but it has thrown me for a loop. He’s a year younger than me, also a big guy. I think he was larger than me, but I don’t know with the more recent weight gain. In either case, it really puts things into perspective.

Heart disease runs on BOTH sides of my family, among plenty of other diseases that can be worsened by obesity. For some reason, these things and overall quality of life seem to never be enough reason to kick me into gear, but it really should.

I’m high-key freaking out and I almost don’t want to eat a damn thing for the next month. But I know that’s horribly unhealthy and will no doubt lead to a rebound and immediately gain everything back and more.

All the weight loss experts say that slow and steady is the best, and to have patience. But my current anxiety comes from the question, what if I don’t have the time? Or what if my times is short and won’t allow for the continuous slip-ups.

Already Heading in the Right Direction

The positive thing is that I consciously made the decision to make my health a priority before hearing the news. So that means my head is in the right spot, but I have to keep that in mind moving forward.

As one of my best friends always tells me, I need to treat working out like medicine, it’s something that I HAVE to do, no questions asked.

I should also start doing something every day, whether it be walk, yoga, kettlebell. I should really get into the habit. I watched a video where someone equated it to brushing your teeth. Since it’s something you do multiple times a day, it feels weird when you miss it. So staying active should be something I do every day.

That reminds me, of this other video I watched, where they said if there was a pill that did for your body the same things working out does, it would be the most valuable drug ever created. In fact, I’ll link it here for future reference:

Of course, nutrition is a much larger part, at least when strictly speaking about weight loss. And no doubt dropping weight will help my performance goals. So for sure going to tighten it up. I have my grilled chicken and veggies with Huel supplements going for me this week. I just need to stay consistent with that, just as much as working out.

Okay, typing this all out has calmed me down a bit, and now I’m more confident I won’t have a second consecutive sleepless night. Because not sleeping is also horrible for all my goals. Cortisone leads to fat gain, stress is just bad for pretty much everything, and the mental health will continue to trend downwards.

So, long story long, now that I’ve calmed down, I have my plan, I’ve succeeded in the plan to a degree 4 years ago. I can do it again, and I will.

Thanks for indulging me and letting me get these thoughts out of my brain! Love you all, and rest in peace to my colleague.