I usually use this blog as a way to keep myself focused and positive, there’s the occasional emotional rant with flaming wagon pictures or shame nuns, but on the most part I do my best to keep positive energy flowing. But I’ll be honest, this latest iteration of restarting re-gaining momentum has been really frustrating and angering. But perhaps that negative energy can be put to use.
For those that aren’t avid followers of this blog, let me bring you up to speed. A one week break from working out due to work trip overseas led to a 3+ week break because of illness from said trip. In those 2 weeks after returning, I lost 1.5-2 inches off my waist, no doubt in mostly muscle and water.
That was proven to be true when I started working out again because I lost a LOT of strength and my cardio was horrible. On top of all of that, the Achilles that I worked so hard and spent a lot of money in physical therapy on started hurting again!
I’ve had slip ups before, but never had I slipped this far this quickly. Everyone says “it’s like riding a bike, your body will get back into it.” But seemingly it feels like it gets more difficult with every iteration of rebuilding.
Needless to say, I’ve been down lately. The symptoms of exhaustion, headaches, and moodiness even point towards a depression.
Excuses
Even though I feel this break happened for a legit reason, I probably let my slacking go on longer than it should. I couldn’t leave the apartment, but I could have kept up with PT stretching.
In the past, I got injured, but how many times have I mentioned in this blog that resting only helps to a certain point and active recovery is what will get you over the hump?
Despite my success last year (when I started this blog), something seems to be missing with motivation. Something is preventing me from having success.
Suddenly, my YouTube health guru’s seemingly read my mind and put out some videos addressing my current situation.
Once again, here’s Fat Meets Fire:
It’s exactly what I needed to hear, especially the part of being honest with yourself, “if you’re not doing what you know you should be doing to lose weight you can’t be upset that you’re not losing weight.”
Same thing applies to healing injuries, work, and everything else.
As he also explained, if completely changing your lifestyle were easy, then everyone would do it. I know that, it’s just difficult believing it.
So, what is stopping me?
Channeling the Negative Energy
In the video above, he stressed “you have to want it enough.” What does that really mean? Setting goals? Visualizing?
He gave many examples, and after rewatching it, I realized that he actually channeled negative energy in his motivation. He mentioned traveling, being there for future kids, all the stuff you typically associate with weight loss goals. However, he phrased it as travel without being out of breath, being there for future kids and not constantly being at the doctor.
So, while having goals to run towards, it seems to be helpful to have negative consequences to run away FROM. I remember a while back watching one of Matt Cama’s videos where he said, “visualize how your life will be a year from now if you make your goals, now visualize how your life will be if a whole year passes and nothing happens.”
With perfect timing, Matt put out this video addressing that issue:
Like Fat Meets Fire, he talked a lot about being honest with yourself. He also reiterated the points in his previous video but spoke a LOT more frank and emotionally.
He stressed not using soft words to dampen your situation. To be honest and say, “I’m fat,” not, “I’ve gained a little bit of weight.” Basically, you have to emotionally confront your situation face-to-face.
In his examples he said for us to tell ourselves, “I’m sick of feeling like crap in the morning…I’m sick of looking at myself in the mirror and seeing somebody who has accepted a bullshit low standard for them-self, that are not living up to their full potential.”
Hearing that last sentence made me start to well up, because I know that is so true.
So I’ll take his advice, I hate where I am now and I’ll be so happy to get to where I want to go. Pain creates change. Now draw a plan of action as the line leading from pain to pleasure.
Being Honest With Myself
To take their advise and be honest with myself leads to my current predicament and confusion/anger. I’ve come to realize that I have missed out on more than I realized in my life because of my weight. Whether it came from lack of energy, embarassment, or lacking confidence.
However, it seems to be the exact same thing that’s keeping me from success right now.
I’ll put it this way. A friend of mine that’s also trying to lose weight posted about it. I commented him encouragement and he responded asking how I’m doing. After talking he mentioned, “You’re young and talented. You have a lot to live for bud.”
At first I thought that was something weird to say, but it stuck with me. Then I remembered how I’ve posted on here that I never take people’s compliments seriously. Then it struck me: deep down, I don’t believe these things to be true.
I’m definitely going to have to do some thinking and figure out why I feel this way and how I can correct it. That’s definitely something that can’t be corrected in one blog post!
Ending Positively
In all honesty, I have every reason to want to lose weight right now. I SHOULD have all the motivation in the world. I’m having lots of networking opportunities and meeting people.
I want to be able to wear the newer styles of clothing. I want people to approach me more at events, heck, I want people to listen to me more when I talk in general!
As I’ve said many times before, nutrition is my downfall. I WILL start cooking healthy meals again and stop being so lazy.
In general, I need to change my relationship with food. Getting burgers makes me happy, that’s a problem. It’s a problem with a solution much easier said than done. Nevertheless, acknowledgement is the first step.
Hot chocolate is 7 weeks away. Last weekend I struggled through a week 4 workout of the 8 week Couch to 5k program. In my two visits to the gym since, I’ve seen marked improvements. So I’ll give running outside another go on Sunday.
With that, let’s channel all this negative energy and turn it into something productive!
